I Am Love

This morning as I was applying my makeup in preparation for 3-legs and back to LA tonight, I saw flashbacks of various versions of myself in the one staring back at me in the mirror. From my earliest memories through childhood, motherhood and in the spiritual realm of visions where I’ve seen myself as Skyla, and the fire. A voice within me asked, “What am I?” and another voice within answered, “love.” Suddenly a script began to speak in verbs, I do love, I give love, I speak love, I am love.

We can’t provide to anyone anything other than the substance of what we are. Perhaps this is the greatest pandemic of the ages for humanity to forget it’s original essence by which it was created. If I’m made in the image of God and God is love then everything that’s not love within me is an intrusion by a parasite – a virus of sorts. It must all go. It must all go today.

During my first flight I felt the shift in the way I looked at each person boarding the plane as my inner voice found at least one thing – the first thing to come to mind and began the dialogue within. “I love her hair. I love his shoes. I love her makeup. I love his rosy cheeks. I love their matching shirts.” Every new image of every new person to cross my view was immediately part of this mind-chatter game I had playing inside of me and every person was welcomed by the voice of love within me. I saw no wrongs, had no critical language or accusations in my thoughts. I was seeing through the lens of love and remembering more and more that love is who I am because it’s what I am.

As we prepared for landing in our final flight I saw my ex’s number come across my text message screen. For a moment I felt the chilling wave of anxiety wash over my system as it does everytime I see that name. My mind immediately jumps to conclusions that something bad has happened or he wants to report a troubled situation or even is messaging me to ask for money. I closed my eyes and prayed for peace and strength and for God to handle whatever was about to surface and then a wave of worry was replaced by a wave of relief as I viewed the message. It was just a question about our son’s bank account. Later as I was sitting in the Salt Lake City airport waiting time to board to the next flight I had a memory of my cousin Ryan messaging me months back to share news of his new business he’d formed organizing garages and hauling off unwanted items from people’s homes. Like a puzzle piece of great treasure I forwarded his message to my ex. “This is something the two of you men can do together and keep separate from disability,” I said. That led to a conversation unpacking the idea and our conversation ended with him texting, “Thank you for this heads up and idea.”

It was just last night I wrote a blast email to a group on meetup about the subject most heavy on my heart – forgiveness. And as I write this now I remember the etymology study I did after my stepdad passed on the biblical meaning of this word. It’s quite distant from what we perceive in the phrase, “Forgive him,” – as if this is an act of pardon and release from a horrid act of another. The root meaning of forgiveness is seated in unconditional, unrestrained pure love. It’s comparable to saying, “Give this person the absolute best of all things – all their wishes come true.” Learning this changed my perception about the ones who had hurt me and how I viewed them; as if I was a good person to allow them to continue breathing without vengeance. I had a long way to go to learn to truly forgive – to bless the villains of my past by whole heartedly wishing the very best for them in every way from perfect health, abundance, love and wholeness in joy.

If I am love and I believe it was confirmed loudly to me this morning that my task is to remember that I am indeed love; then I look forward to remembering what that means without all of the false lenses I’ve been handed by a lost world of psychological experts acting as the blind leading the blind.

Love keeps no record of wrongs and love trusts all things.