Karmic Endings Trust God

Today I went to the beach and roller bladed down the boardwalk as I saw patterns before me. First 2 separate sets of women in pain over a break up. The homeless woman cried and screamed out “you motherf-er rapist son a…” The second woman wearing a brown dress like the one Julia Roberts had on at the horse outing was running full speed across the sand after a guy. She reached him screaming “Why did you leave me?” as he shrugged her off acting annoyed by her presence. Then I saw the win pick up as a bird heading out to sea turned around and took cover in a tree – followed by a man’s hat falling off of his head. I heard “hold onto your crown and don’t run against the wind.” This all was telling me to not fight what was happening right now and to let it go and let it flow. I also felt this was telling me to let people go who choose to go and I thought about David and Josh. They both wanted to go another direction and I can’t see it as a gift just yet but if God wanted them in my life they would be. So to think anything I’m losing is against God’s will is to not trust the divine paintbrush I founded this enter project on. I believe he’s the author of my story and I believe HIS will is the one I need to be aligned with. So…. Thy will be done.

I spent the next hour crying and journaling about this all with an emptiness and void inside begging God to please show me where to go next. I told him I let them go, I let them go, I let them go! But if they aren’t for me what is my purpose? What is my direction? Please show me the way!

I left the beach and took a suggested route in Google maps through Malibu that was supposed to save me time. However, I felt something was off from the very first turn into a thin road going upward and within 10 minutes realized I was not on a path often traveled. The steep slopes and twisting curves with no guard rails quickly had me on top of a very large mountain where the views were gorgeous but frightening as I wondered if the little car was sturdy enough to get me through alone. And then it happened,.. the sun hit my windshield at the perfect angel where the deep layer of sand and dirt completely blotted out my view just before reaching a sharp left turn. I held my breath and called out to God to help me. I couldn’t see a thing. When I was safe again, I found a place to pull over where I washed the windshield area on the drivers side. But I knew there was a reason for the detour – a deep spiritual one.

I’ve been climbing up a mountain for so long unsure of where I’m going or if I’ll make it home safely. I’m all alone on this journey and I can’t see what’s in front of me. I’m scared and often wonder if God still sees me and he’s still protecting me and guiding me. And he whispers “trust me”. This is when the spiritual eyes are made strong when our physical eyes can’t be of any help. I have to learn more and more to walk by the visions he gives me in trust that what he has shown me will come to pass. He has brought me here for a reason and he knows I’m tired and weary and sick of being alone on this uphill battle. He knows I’m surviving only each day by faith in him. And I’m waiting for the moment when I’m in a safe place and can pull over on the side of the road and be gifted my vision again to see what he’s doing all along – putting puzzle pieces into place. He takes some away that can’t fit anymore and in the moments where there’s a void it’s so hard. I feel naked and uncovered. But he is bringing other puzzle pieces that will fit perfectly.

One day soon I will be able to see it all. I will be amazed by his craftmanship. But tonight I only know God sent me, God goes with me and God is controlling all things for my good. I can’t see it yet but I trust him. I trust him. I trust him.

Tomorrow I lay over Tampa. Goodnight.