Not afraid to Ask

God woke me at 3:25 am with a text from a flight attendant asking me to switch my maui trip for her standbye next week. I thought for a moment, “Is this a joke? Is she crazy?” And God said to me, “She’s not afraid to ask.” And that hit me hard.

Yesterday was a big day in many ways. I took the prayer candles out and tried to pray over a caregiver and his wife and was strongly opposed and rejected. They wouldn’t even take a free candle of mine. Then I saw where another person had picked up my prayer candle in the bathroom and then threw it on the sink back where it was soppy and wet. Much confirmation,..

The prayer candle ministry is not God’s will for me.

Throughout the day I heard God telling me, “They have not because they ask not – and you can’t change them.” So then I figured,.. OK, then I’ll use the prayer candles for my own prayers. I will ask for myself; for God to give to me my dreams and wishes.

Then I received a call from TJ. He said, “You’re not going to believe this! A woman next to my aunt went into care because she has dementia and I helped them move her. And the daughter gave me her mom’s car. Can you believe this? Then he told me that he was picked to sing the Anthem at the Lakers game on March 3rd. I told him congratulations and he said…. “You did this.” I reminded him, all God things are GOD’s doing… But I see two things as I type this now. “Don’t grow weary in doing good – at the proper time you’ll receive your reward.” And also, Pray and ask God – God can do anything.

We were late getting TJ’s video in and he was very nervous and very insecure but God had me there encouraging him and helping in his anxiety not only in praying for him before he sang, but I filmed the video and then when he freaked out because it wouldn’t send, I uploaded it to my computer and sent it to the judges using my google drive. It feels good to help someone step out and do something that uplifts their soul and uses their gifts. TJ is a singer. I’m so happy he gets to sing and he told me he’s sending me tickets to go watch him on that night.

Now can I practice what I preach? Can I go to this audition and believe that God will do for me what I’ve witnessed him do for others? God will choose me to walk in my gifts and get a lead role in this show… I know it’s a big asking to say “lead role”. When I mentioned it to Dave and Tamra they both said, “Yeah, they need back-ups and bartenders and crowd staff.” I remember when I was in 4th grade I tried out for the Nutcracker play thinking this – that they’d make me a kid dressed up as a tree or a backup singer in the choir. I couldn’t believe it when the director chose me for the main role Marie. And I was the only one that did a main role throughout the play. She picked twins to play the role of the guy because she said she didn’t have a boy strong enough to remember all of the scenes. The boys got to split the scenes and no one would notice because they were identical.

It’s odd when I said twins I just though about my 911 prophecy dream and how Josh and Dave both have phone numbers 9115. Kenna always sees 55. And Dave seems to be the replacement for Josh (carrying a very similar role that Josh played in my life when I was 17). Oddly, Dave is the one that sent me the Baywatch audition and asked me to go. I’m not sure if he was joking or not but it planted a seed and now I’m going (God willing).

Tonight I said I’d eat only tuna, eggs and apples, would run everyday, do stairmaster and butt lifts and crunches and pushups and I’d not vape and drink lots of water. I can do this with God as my strength. I can focus, kick the bad habits, believe and get ready to get a big part. I will be the hottest 47 year old on TV and I’ll be God’s girl in every interview and tabloid and podcast; not because I’m a good girl or perfect but because I’m covered by the blood of Jesus Christ made righteous by him not my own attempts to be a good Christian (Steve said he’s like a 2.5 out of 10 on Christian scale). But I”m the girl who walked in faith, prayed, asked and even with a little strength left after a very difficult path I’m gonna use the little strength I have left to walk in that audition and believe that God went before me and paved the way to victory.

What’s impossible to men is possible to God.

Image: A woman came up to me on the pier after a skateboarder signaled me to go there. She said, “Can I take a picture of you?” Then she started capturing a video as I laughed and moved my arms around. Watching it back I realize that I was subconsciously moving my arms as a bird or an angel. I feel like God wanted me to see this to see an angel getting her wings back… Preparing to fly…

Heard song…..

[Verse 1: Nicki Minaj]
I fly with the stars in the skies
I am no longer trying to survive
I believe that life is a prize
But to live doesn’t mean you’re alive
Don’t worry ’bout me and who I fire
I get what I desire, it’s my empire
And yes, I call the shots, I am the umpire
I sprinkle holy water upon a vampire
In this very moment, I’m king
In this very moment, I slay Goliath with a sling
This very moment, I bring
Put it on everything that I will retire with the ring
And I will retire with the crown, yes
No, I’m not lucky, I’m blessed, yes
Clap for the heavyweight champ, me
But I couldn’t do it all alone, we
Young Money raised me, grew up out in Baisley
Southside Jamaica, Queens, and it’s crazy
‘Cause I’m still hood, Hollywood couldn’t change me
Shout out to my haters, sorry that you couldn’t faze me
Ain’t being cocky, we just vindicated
Best believe that when we done, this moment will be syndicated
I don’t know, this night just remind me of
Everything they deprived me of (Yeah)
Put your drinks up
It’s a celebration every time we link up
We done did everything they can think of
Greatness is what we on the brink of

I have tears reading these lyrics.. Thank you Jesus.