Producer on a Plane

This morning I woke up with a disturbing revelation. All of these people I’ve met from the script writer to the trucking company woman have all led to nowhere. I found out after much dialogue that they were much like me – carrying aspirations to do something in the film industry but they had never actually taken a project pass the finish line. What we don’t have in common is that I only aspire to tell God’s story – whatever that ends up being.

On my last flight from Atlanta to LA a man in 1C I noticed had a crown next to his name in our system. This means he’s a celebrity of some sort; a VIP customer. As we were deplaning I asked him what he did and he told me he was an actor and a producer. He said he had recently produced a biblical Netflix show called Ruth and Boaz. I spoke to him briefly about his success and as I complimented him on being “obedient” to what God put on his heart, his eyes lit up like I’d sparked a nerve in his soul. Then he extended his hand to me and said, “My name is Devon and you are?” I answered, shook his hand and told him it was a pleasure meeting him. I later learned that he was also the producer of Heaven is Real and many other faith based movies that I love so much.

So I finally crossed paths with the real deal – a REAL producer who has the heart for faith based films and the power to do something with my book. And all I did was chit chat and shake his hand? Have I lost my mind? A better question is, “Have I lost my faith in what I thought God sent me here to do?”

This was an unsettling revelation this morning in showing me how weary I have become. I spent all of my time and energy seeking miracles in the people God placed in my path that ended up going nowhere. And when he finally delivers the perfect person to pitch my book to I didn’t even think to do it. It’s as if I’ve already given up on the idea that my story of miracles should be a film or to even believe it was God’s seed for me in the first place.

As I laid in bed angry at myself I heard a voice of reassurance saying to me, “If it’s God’s will, you’ll see him again.” In this, I remembered the basketball player I met on a plane 2 years ago who I ran into again only 3 days later in a completely different part of the world. He was the guy who would drive my daughter from Texas to Florida a month later – definitely an angel on assignment in my life.

Meanwhile my domain for ScriptintheSky expired yesterday. And I did feel like yesterday there was a very heavy message for me to let the past go. Perhaps that story of all the miracles God did in 2016 isn’t the one he wants me to share with anyone. Maybe it’s time for me to let go of the past all together. Maybe this is where God is telling me to seek this day as the first day of a new story he’s writing in my life. Maybe this is where the woman in the sand looks up to find that all of those who threw stones at her have removed from her life and now only Jesus remains with his hand outstretched whispering, “Is there anyone left to condemn you?” And I whisper back, “No Lord.” And he replies, “Nor do I condone you daughter.” I always feel stuck on the part where he says, “sin no more.” What did she do? Was it because she was caught in adultery? Was he saying to her that she shouldn’t cheat on her husband again?

If I’m being honest, I don’t like being single because I feel like there’s a concern in all connections I make that I could be a temptation for a man or be tempted myself. I wish God would send me my person so I can be taken out of that dynamic completely. I felt more at ease in all things in life when I was grounded in marriage. And even if the marriage wasn’t great or the one God had for me, I still felt more secure and authentic in my dealings. The status of marriage game me a very powerful boundary in business. I’m bringing this up because in conversations with the trucking guy I have wondered if that’s a concern for him. Maybe it’s a silly thing for me to be worried about. I just don’t want to feel this void anymore. I wish I was stable with my person so that I was no longer looking, waiting or anticipating that God was bringing someone. It makes me look for it and I hate that I’m having those thoughts.

If God wanted me to be in a relationship right now I would be. So today I’m just wondering what I’m missing. I’m OK knowing he’s saying no to some things as long as I can see what he’s saying YES to. And I don’t think I should be praying “your will be done” as a plan to sit back and do nothing but wait on the Lord. I should be asking to see what God’s will is. I want to see it, align with it and know that I’m on the right path.

Heavenly Father please tell me what I should do. I need a home, a good job and direction. Please show me what I should do.

In Jesus’ name,

Amen